When Balance Isn’t The Answer


When Balance Isn’t An Answer

We all talk about work-life balance. That mythical sweet spot between deadlines and living. But lately, I’ve been getting a feeling that we're trying to balance something we've forgotten how to feel.

This week, I share some ideas I’ve been chewing on. It's not just observations from my coaching practice, the office or even the clarity I'm finding while preparing for my Arctic Expedition. It's about what happens in those quiet moments between the noise - when you stop long enough to realize how many of us are just following scripts we never chose to read. Sometimes you have to get really uncomfortable to find the truth you need to hear.

You'll also find links to five new posts on my blog, Insights, including some thoughts that emerged between training sessions and travel plans. And as always, I've included my iPhone image of the week - because sometimes a single moment captured tells more truth than a thousand words.

Nothing here is polished. Nothing here is perfect. But maybe that's exactly what we need right now. Because sometimes the real conversations happen in these spaces between certainties.

So Reader, let's get into it…

The Truth About Work-Life Balance:
You've Forgotten How to Live

Here's the thing about life and truth - it doesn't give a shit about your comfort zone.

You don't have a work-life balance problem. You're drowning in other people's definitions of what your life should be.

You don't have a work-life balance problem. You have a life problem.

Your life isn't some neat little three-act play. It's messier than that. Raw. Real. Yeah, there's that first chunk - all hunger and hustle, trying to prove yourself to everyone who'll watch. Then comes the grind - the career, the achievements, all that shit that looks good on paper.

But then… then comes the moment when everything shifts. When you finally start asking yourself what YOU want, not what the world has programmed you to want. It's where you either wake the fuck up or keep sleepwalking through someone else's version of your life.

Here's the truth nobody talks about. Do you even know what it feels like to be happy? To not be anxious? To have clarity of mind? Because if you actually knew what it feels like to feel the things you want to feel, you'd fight so much harder for it. You'd stop trying to balance what you don't understand.

Work? That's the easy part. It's laid out for you like a perfectly mapped expedition - deadlines looming like mountain peaks, projects stretched out like valleys to cross, meetings marking time like heartbeats on a monitor. There's beauty in its brutal simplicity: Do this. Achieve that. Check the box. Reply to my mail. No, don't do it that way. Another meeting. Move forward. The path is clear, even when it's hard.

But life? That's where we're lost, wandering in a wilderness of expectations we never chose to carry. You can't bitch about not having balance if you fail to focus on and work at one part of the equation.

The voices in your head - those dark, shadow voices that wake you at 1:37 on a Tuesday morning - they're not just noise. They're the echoes of every time you chose someone else's definition of success over your own. Every time you said yes when your soul was screaming no. Every time you pushed back that nagging feeling that there's more to life than this endless cycle of proving yourself to people who won't remember your name when you're gone.

Stop. Please just stop.

Close your eyes and imagine yourself at the end. Your final breath. You're there, looking back at the story of your life. What threads will matter? Will you give a single shit about that quarterly report that kept you up at 3 AM? Will your soul sing with the memory of that perfect ROI presentation? Will your heart swell remembering how efficiently you optimized your office workflow?

Or will you ache for the moments you missed? The laughter you didn't share. The hands you didn't hold. The decisions you didn't make. The sunsets you didn't witness because you were too busy documenting them for strangers on the internet. The moments you missed cause you were too focused on everything else.

Here's what I've learned in the Arctic wilderness, in the moments when all the voices go quiet and you're left with nothing but truth: The magic you're looking for is in the work you're avoiding. Not the work they assigned you - the work of becoming who you really are.

Look at what we've given up on…

  • The courage to chase dreams that don't fit on a resume
  • The ability to sit in silence and hear our own truth
  • The willingness to prioritize life when work demands everything
  • The strength to say no to overtime and yes to living
  • The wisdom to build memories instead of metrics
  • The power to define success by our own standards, not our inbox

You want to know why work-life balance feels impossible? Because you're trying to balance a mountain of other people's expectations against a ghost of what living used to mean. They sold you a lie - that your worth is measured in deliverables, that your value can be calculated in KPIs, that success looks like your soul dying at your desk with a perfectly optimized calendar.

Before you download another productivity app or read another think piece about morning routines, ask yourself: What makes your soul come alive? What moments make time dissolve into nothing? When are you going to focus on YOU?

Because here's the truth that's been scratching at me: You can't balance what you can't define. And you sure as hell can't define life by someone else's metrics. Those metrics? They change. They should change. Each act of your life demands its own measure of success.

Want real balance? Start here...

  • Listen to that voice you've been ignoring
  • Define what makes your soul sing when nobody's watching
  • Create space for moments that belong only to you
  • Build a life that feels real in the dark, when the screens are off
  • Let yourself exist without justifying every moment
  • Remember what it feels like to be unremarkably, imperfectly alive

Not everyone will understand when you start listening to that voice inside. When you begin to shift your priorities, when your definition of success evolves. And here's a fact - the people closest to you might fight it the hardest. Not because they don't love you. But because you've been their constant, their reliable force, their always-there. Your awakening disrupts their story too.

They'll look at you sideways when you start saying no to the things you've always said yes to. They'll question your choices, your judgment, your sanity sometimes. Because balance isn't just some daily checklist you can tick off - it's a fucking tightrope walk between who you've been and who you're becoming. Between today's demands and your lifetime's calling.

You're not just adjusting your schedule, you're shifting the entire gravity of your existence. And gravity changes are messy. They rattle everything and everyone around you.

Work has its frameworks. Its structures. Its neat little boxes. But life? Life is the wild territory they convinced you to abandon. It's messy. It's undefined. It's scar. It's amazing. It's yours to reclaim. And with each new act, each new chapter, you get to redefine what that means.

Let them not understand. Their confusion is the price of your awakening. Their discomfort is the tax on your transformation. The universe doesn't ask permission to evolve, and neither should you.

Stop trying to balance what you've forgotten how to live. Stop letting others write your story. Stop measuring your existence in metrics that won't matter when you're gone.

Start remembering what it means to be alive.

Raw. Unfiltered. Undefined. Yours.

Just fucking be.

Insights

I've got some new posts up on my blog that I wanted to share with you and you can check them out by clicking on the links below.

Two of them - the ones about peace and joy - came from a conversation with a client about the words / themes we want to focus on as we head into 2025. The other two reflect common themes I keep seeing in my coaching practice.

And since I just hit 49, I decided to share 49 truths I've learned along the way - one for each year. Hope something here speaks to you and, as always, would love to hear from you if you have any thoughts.

Looking for joy? Stop looking.

The most joyful people I know aren't the ones with perfect lives. They're the ones who've mastered the art of being fully present in their imperfect ones.

The peace you actually want? It's going to cost you.

Your lack of peace isn't because life is hard. It's because you're avoiding hard choices.

The Seductive Trap of Self Improvement

Not everything that transforms you can be measured. Sometimes, growth happens in the spaces between the data points.

The Myth of the Perfect Protocol

This isn't about collecting random techniques or hoarding self-help strategies. It's about building a curated, personal collection of approaches that actually work for you.

49 Truths: One for Each Year

If you've been part of this journey - whether from the start or joining somewhere along the way - thank you. Your presence, support, and willingness to engage have made each step more meaningful.

iPhone Image of the Week

Grand Central Station pulses with untold stories. Last October, between client meetings, I spent some time doing photography and people watching.

There's something magical about watching life flow through that vast space - thousands of individual journeys intersecting and diverging as people go their own ways.

I used the Spectre App on my iPhone to create up to 30-second exposure. While the iconic light beams of old postcards have been claimed by surrounding skyscrapers, the station still holds its own kind of magic and makes for a great morning of photography with a cup of coffee.

Header image:This week’s header is an iPhone image of mid-town Manhattan, Central Park on the left, that I made just before landing in New York last year. Love that city.

That’s it for this week, but before I let you go, a few things brewing this week that I'm pretty excited about.

Apart from a number of client sessions, I’ve got some meetings lined up, including one that might open up some interesting doors for the Greenland expedition. Too early to share details, but the possibilities are pretty exciting.

For those of you who are into photography, later this week I will be sharing my real-world experience with the iPhone 16 Pro Max over on the Wild Eye Blog. Not your typical tech review, but honest thoughts on how it handles travel and nature photography in the field. Short version, it has been amazing and you can follow my iPhone IG feed here to check out some of the images I’ve made with my iPhone during the last few months.

The expedition countdown keeps ticking - 40 days until I head north again. Had a couple days of rest, which my body needed, but earlier this morning I was back at dragging tires and preparing for what's coming. You know how it goes - the Arctic doesn't send out party invitations.

Oh, and I'm in the process of piecing together something special with a client - a journey through the American Southwest. Vegas, some of the amazing National Parks in that part of the world and ending in New York. This PVT guided tour promises to be pretty damn amazing!

And that’s pretty much my world right now. Thanks for being part of this journey and if anything in this newsletter sparked something in you, hit reply - my inbox is always open.​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​

If you know of anybody who might enjoy this newsletter, it would be amazing if you would forward it to them.

Have a great week and stay safe and remember… nothing changes if nothing changes,.

Don’t forget to be awesome.

Mindset & Performance Coach | International Expedition Leader Speaker & Presenter | Photographic Educator | Co founder of Wild Eye

My Website Links

Fairland, Johannesburg, Gauteng 1732
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Gerry van der Walt

Weekly thoughts from the edge where comfort ends and reality begins. Raw insights on pushing limits, facing fears, and moving forward when everything screams stop. No carefully curated inspiration or polished self-help - just honest truth from someone navigating both physical extremes and human potential. For those battling inner demons, chasing impossible dreams, or simply tired of playing safe. Because transformation isn't about motivation. It's about movement. Into the unknown, where hands shake and doubts whisper, but you keep moving anyway.

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