When Things Don't Exist (Until They Destroy You)


When Things Don't Exist
(Until They Destroy You)

Hi Reader, and welcome to Sunday.

Just because you don't believe in gravity doesn't mean it won't fucking kill you when you step off a cliff.

This morning, I woke up feeling like shit. Low. Not physically. Mentally. That heavy cloud that sits on your chest. The one that makes getting out of bed feel like crawling through mud. Maybe you know it. Maybe you pretend you don't.

And right there, in that space between recognizing the feeling and deciding what to do with it, lives today's conversation.

Let's get into it.

The Things We Pretend Don't Exist

There's a specific kind of person I meet often. The successful executive who downs three glasses of wine each night "to unwind." The high-achieving mother who hasn't slept properly in years but insists she's "just busy." The outwardly confident man who can't sit in silence for five minutes without reaching for his phone.

They don't believe in anxiety. They don't believe in depression. They don't believe in mental health protocols.

Not because they've examined the evidence and found it lacking, but because believing in these things would require acknowledging parts of themselves they've spent a lifetime burying under layers of "I'm fine" and "I just need to push through."

But here's the brutal truth about reality... it doesn't give a single fuck whether you believe in it or not.

Anxiety doesn't need your permission to exist. Neither does depression. Or trauma. Or grief. They're not waiting for your acknowledgment before they start rewiring your brain, hijacking your nervous system, or destroying your relationships.

They're just doing their thing while you pretend they're not there.

Like gravity pulling a falling man toward earth – completely indifferent to his opinion on physics.

The Gender of Denial

The flavor of this denial looks different depending on who's doing the denying.

For many men, it manifests as dismissal.
"That's soft shit."
"Man up."
"Just power through."

The language of strength becomes the prison that prevents healing. The very qualities that society praised - stoicism, self-reliance, emotional control - become the walls that keep help out.

For many women, it appears as displacement.
"I just need to be more organized."
"Everyone feels this way."
"I'll focus on myself after I take care of everyone else."

The language of responsibility becomes the chain that binds. The ability to endure, to nurture others while neglecting the self – qualities celebrated as feminine virtues – become the bars of a different kind of cage.

Two different prisons. Same result. Lives half-lived under the shadow of something you refuse to name.

The Protocols You Mock Are Saving Someone Else's Life

"Journaling is for teenage girls."
"Meditation is some hippie bullshit."
"Talking about feelings? That's what alcohol is for."
"Therapy? I don't have time for that luxury."
"Self-care? How self-indulgent."

I hear these dismissals often. Usually from people whose lives are slowly unraveling at the seams. People who can't sleep. Who can't maintain relationships. Who can't sit with themselves for five minutes without reaching for distraction.

People who mock the very tools that might save them.

The irony cuts deep. Those who need these protocols most are often the ones most violently rejecting them. Because facing your demons requires more courage than pretending they don't exist.

It's easier to laugh at the guy doing breathwork than to admit your own breathing feels shallow and panicked most days.

It's easier to dismiss journaling than to confront what might pour out if you actually put pen to paper.

It's easier to call therapy "self-indulgent" than to acknowledge you're carrying wounds you don't know how to heal.

The Invisible Tax of Being "Fine"

Women often pay this tax differently than men, but pay it they do.

She's the one who's mastered the art of appearing put-together while crumbling inside. Who's learned to smile through panic attacks in bathroom stalls before returning to meetings. Who manages everyone's emotional needs but her own.

The woman who's been told that her anxiety is "just hormones" or that her depression is "being dramatic." Who's learned that her pain is less important than her productivity.

For her, the denial isn't about rejecting weakness – it's about rejecting the right to prioritize herself at all.

For both men and women, the cost is steep.

Relationships that never reach their potential, careers capped by your inability to regulate emotions, physical health deteriorating under the weight of what you refuse to address, and years (sometimes decades) lost to suffering that had solutions you wouldn't consider.

The Self-Sabotage of Disbelief

The most dangerous form of self-sabotage isn't setting yourself up for failure. It's convincing yourself that your problems aren't real in the first place.

Because when you don't believe in something, you don't bother fighting it.

When you don't believe in something, you don't seek help for it.

When you don't believe in something, you let it grow unchecked until it consumes everything.

I've watched brilliant people reduce themselves to shells because they couldn't bring themselves to acknowledge what was happening inside their own minds. I've seen marriages collapse, careers implode, and lives crumble. Not because help wasn't available, but because they couldn't admit they needed it.

All because somehow, along the way, we've confused denial with strength.

What You're Really Hiding From

Let me tell you what I think this is really about. It's not about whether anxiety exists or whether meditation works. It's about fear.

Fear that if you acknowledge these things, you'll have to face them.

Fear that if you admit you're struggling, you'll be seen as weak.

Fear that if you try these protocols and they don't work, you'll lose hope.

Fear that if you try them and they do work, you'll have to confront how much time you've wasted suffering needlessly.

The greatest lie we tell ourselves isn't "I'm fine".

It's "That thing I'm feeling isn't real."

The Cost of Waiting for Rock Bottom

Most people don't seek help until they hit rock bottom. Until the marriage ends. Until the panic attacks make it impossible to leave the house. Until the drinking stops numbing the pain.

But rock bottom is a fucking terrible place to start rebuilding.

What if you didn't need to lose everything before you believed your own experience?

What if you could skip the part where you destroy yourself and the people around you?

What if the voices in your head, the ones telling you something's wrong, are actually trying to save you, not break you?

The Protocols That Actually Work

All the protocols and you don't believe in, they're backed by more science than whatever bullshit solution you're currently trying.

Meditation isn't about crystals and chanting. It's about training your nervous system to regulate itself. Measurable changes in brain structure. Quantifiable reductions in stress hormones.

Journaling isn't self-indulgent naval-gazing. It's about externally processing what your mind can't handle internally. It's about getting thought loops out of your head and onto paper where they lose their power.

Therapy and coaching isn't about blaming your parents for everything. It's about understanding the patterns that keep you stuck so you can finally break them.

Exercise isn't just about looking better. It's about creating the biological conditions where your brain can function optimally.

These aren't opinions.
They're facts.
Backed by studies.
Confirmed by neuroscience.
Proven by the countless people who have found their way back to themselves using these tools.

Your disbelief doesn't make them less real. It just makes them unavailable to you.

My Challenge To You

This week, I want you to do something uncomfortable: Believe yourself.

Believe that twisting feeling in your gut when something's not right.

Believe that heaviness in your chest that makes it hard to get out of bed.

Believe that racing mind that won't shut down at 3 AM.

Don't judge it. Don't fix it. Just believe it's real.

Because the magic you're looking for isn't in pretending everything's fine. It's in finally acknowledging what isn't.

It's in saying, "This is real, and I'm going to face it."

That's not weakness. That's the definition of fucking courage.

For the women reading this. I want you to know that your struggle isn't "just being emotional." Your exhaustion isn't "just being busy." Your pain isn't "just part of being a woman." You deserve to be taken seriously, especially by yourself.

For the men. Your anxiety isn't weakness. Your depression isn't failure. Your struggle isn't a reflection of your worth or your masculinity. It's just part of being human in a world that often forgets we're still animals with nervous systems that can get overwhelmed.

I shared a quote earlier this week: "Don't believe everything you think." That's true for the toxic inner critic that tears you down. But it's dangerously false when it comes to your body screaming that something isn't right. Learn to distinguish between negative thought patterns you should question and genuine warning signals you've been trained to ignore. There's a world of difference between challenging destructive thoughts and dismissing your own reality.

The Permission You've Been Waiting For

No one is coming to give you permission to take your mental health seriously. Not your partner. Not your boss. Not society. Certainly not the voice in your head that's invested in keeping you exactly where you are.

The permission has to come from you.
Today.
Now.

Permission to believe your own experience. Permission to seek help without shame. Permission to try the protocols without cynicism. Permission to take up space with your healing.

What if this newsletter is the sign you've been waiting for? The nudge you needed to finally look at what you've been avoiding?

Don't wait for rock bottom.

Don't wait until the damage is done.

Don't wait until you've lost what matters most.

The first step isn't fixing anything. It's just saying: "This is real, and I'm going to face it."

Everything else follows from there.

Insights

This week on Insights, I've shared posts that explore the spaces between who we are and who we're becoming. Take a few minutes, grab a coffee, and dive into these conversations about the battles we all face.

From the ancient tale of two wolves fighting inside each of us to the uncomfortable truth about why buying that self-help book feels like progress but isn't, each piece offers something honest about the journey we're all on.

Kim Lindsell (who you will meet properly next week but might see on some of the latest, ongoing website updates) has also taken her first step into this space with her own post, a voice that brings a fresh perspective to conversations we all need to have. Look for more from her in the coming weeks.

I hope you find some value somewhere in these posts and, as always would love to hear from you.

When Wolves Battle: The Primal Truth Inside Every Man and Woman
by Gerry van der Walt

There’s an ancient tale about two wolves that battle inside each of us. One black, one white. Which one wins?

Do You Want Change or the Comforting Illusion of Almost Changing?
by Gerry van der Walt

Buying the book feels good. Signing up for the course feels good. Hiring the coach feels good. It feels like progress. It isn’t.

You're Not Behind - You're On Your Own Timeline
by Kim Lindsell

Every person is on their own journey and timeline and most people share only their highlights.

Wants vs. Needs - The Courage to Choose
by Gerry van der Walt

Needs come with the implication that something terrible happens if they’re not met.

Podcast

Need another way to absorb my newsletter? I've added something new for those who prefer to listen rather than read.

Every Tuesday, I transform the main article from the latest newsletter into a podcast episode. Perfect for your commute, workout, or those moments when your eyes need a break but your mind doesn't.

Click the buttons below to dive into the last two weeks' episodes, or simply search Spotify, Apple Podcasts or your favorite podcasting platform for my name.

Same content, different delivery system.

#76 - The Void Between Summits

#77 - When There's Nowhere To Hide From Yourself

iPhone Image of the Week

Didn't do too much photography at all this week. Loads of other things that took priority - and kinda expecting the same thing coming week. But did make a quick image a few mornings ago while I took a break between sets. Yeah, this is the one thing I do not miss out on cause I know, and believe in, what it does and makes me feel.

Header Image: A throwback iPhone image from a random street in New York during a visit in 2021. I absolutely love street photography in NYC and I'm heading back to the USA next week to host a PVT guided photo tour, which includes my favorite city.

And that's it for this week.

If you're gonna take me up on my challenge - and I hope you do! - I would love to hear from you so please reach out. The accountability and sharing part of something like that is a big deal, and if I can help you to believe in some of the protocols and feelings you've been dismissing, that would be great.

Week ahead looks crazy busy with loads of meetings and coaching clients, and then next Saturday I'm off to the USA for two weeks. Will be sharing the trip, which includes Vegas, Grand Canyon, Sedona and NYC, on my IG along with some travel thoughts which is always real, refreshing and, sometimes, unexpected.

In next week's newsletter, I'll be introducing you to Kim Lindsell, who I'm very proud and excited to have on the website (which is currently undergoing a lot of backend changes) as a new coach that you can engage with and who brings some new coaching services - Student & Young Adult Coaching and Authenticity Coaching - and perspectives to what I do.

And as always, don't forget to be awesome.

Thanks for reading and as always, if you want to touch base about coaching sessions, please reach out.

If you know of anybody who might enjoy this newsletter, it would be amazing if you would forward it to them.

Have a great week and stay safe.

And as always, don't forget to be awesome.

Mindset & Performance Coach | International Expedition Leader Speaker & Presenter | Photographic Educator | Co founder of Wild Eye

My Website Links

Fairland, Johannesburg, Gauteng 1732
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Gerry van der Walt

Weekly thoughts from the edge where comfort ends and reality begins. Raw insights on pushing limits, facing fears, and moving forward when everything screams stop. No carefully curated inspiration or polished self-help - just honest truth from someone navigating both physical extremes and human potential. For those battling inner demons, chasing impossible dreams, or simply tired of playing safe. Because transformation isn't about motivation. It's about movement. Into the unknown, where hands shake and doubts whisper, but you keep moving anyway.

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