The Things We Pretend Don't Exist
There's a specific kind of person I meet often. The successful executive who downs three glasses of wine each night "to unwind." The high-achieving mother who hasn't slept properly in years but insists she's "just busy." The outwardly confident man who can't sit in silence for five minutes without reaching for his phone.
They don't believe in anxiety. They don't believe in depression. They don't believe in mental health protocols.
Not because they've examined the evidence and found it lacking, but because believing in these things would require acknowledging parts of themselves they've spent a lifetime burying under layers of "I'm fine" and "I just need to push through."
But here's the brutal truth about reality... it doesn't give a single fuck whether you believe in it or not.
Anxiety doesn't need your permission to exist. Neither does depression. Or trauma. Or grief. They're not waiting for your acknowledgment before they start rewiring your brain, hijacking your nervous system, or destroying your relationships.
They're just doing their thing while you pretend they're not there.
Like gravity pulling a falling man toward earth – completely indifferent to his opinion on physics.
The Gender of Denial
The flavor of this denial looks different depending on who's doing the denying.
For many men, it manifests as dismissal.
"That's soft shit."
"Man up."
"Just power through."
The language of strength becomes the prison that prevents healing. The very qualities that society praised - stoicism, self-reliance, emotional control - become the walls that keep help out.
For many women, it appears as displacement.
"I just need to be more organized."
"Everyone feels this way."
"I'll focus on myself after I take care of everyone else."
The language of responsibility becomes the chain that binds. The ability to endure, to nurture others while neglecting the self – qualities celebrated as feminine virtues – become the bars of a different kind of cage.
Two different prisons. Same result. Lives half-lived under the shadow of something you refuse to name.
The Protocols You Mock Are Saving Someone Else's Life
"Journaling is for teenage girls."
"Meditation is some hippie bullshit."
"Talking about feelings? That's what alcohol is for."
"Therapy? I don't have time for that luxury."
"Self-care? How self-indulgent."
I hear these dismissals often. Usually from people whose lives are slowly unraveling at the seams. People who can't sleep. Who can't maintain relationships. Who can't sit with themselves for five minutes without reaching for distraction.
People who mock the very tools that might save them.
The irony cuts deep. Those who need these protocols most are often the ones most violently rejecting them. Because facing your demons requires more courage than pretending they don't exist.
It's easier to laugh at the guy doing breathwork than to admit your own breathing feels shallow and panicked most days.
It's easier to dismiss journaling than to confront what might pour out if you actually put pen to paper.
It's easier to call therapy "self-indulgent" than to acknowledge you're carrying wounds you don't know how to heal.
The Invisible Tax of Being "Fine"
Women often pay this tax differently than men, but pay it they do.
She's the one who's mastered the art of appearing put-together while crumbling inside. Who's learned to smile through panic attacks in bathroom stalls before returning to meetings. Who manages everyone's emotional needs but her own.
The woman who's been told that her anxiety is "just hormones" or that her depression is "being dramatic." Who's learned that her pain is less important than her productivity.
For her, the denial isn't about rejecting weakness – it's about rejecting the right to prioritize herself at all.
For both men and women, the cost is steep.
Relationships that never reach their potential, careers capped by your inability to regulate emotions, physical health deteriorating under the weight of what you refuse to address, and years (sometimes decades) lost to suffering that had solutions you wouldn't consider.
The Self-Sabotage of Disbelief
The most dangerous form of self-sabotage isn't setting yourself up for failure. It's convincing yourself that your problems aren't real in the first place.
Because when you don't believe in something, you don't bother fighting it.
When you don't believe in something, you don't seek help for it.
When you don't believe in something, you let it grow unchecked until it consumes everything.
I've watched brilliant people reduce themselves to shells because they couldn't bring themselves to acknowledge what was happening inside their own minds. I've seen marriages collapse, careers implode, and lives crumble. Not because help wasn't available, but because they couldn't admit they needed it.
All because somehow, along the way, we've confused denial with strength.
What You're Really Hiding From
Let me tell you what I think this is really about. It's not about whether anxiety exists or whether meditation works. It's about fear.
Fear that if you acknowledge these things, you'll have to face them.
Fear that if you admit you're struggling, you'll be seen as weak.
Fear that if you try these protocols and they don't work, you'll lose hope.
Fear that if you try them and they do work, you'll have to confront how much time you've wasted suffering needlessly.
The greatest lie we tell ourselves isn't "I'm fine".
It's "That thing I'm feeling isn't real."
The Cost of Waiting for Rock Bottom
Most people don't seek help until they hit rock bottom. Until the marriage ends. Until the panic attacks make it impossible to leave the house. Until the drinking stops numbing the pain.
But rock bottom is a fucking terrible place to start rebuilding.
What if you didn't need to lose everything before you believed your own experience?
What if you could skip the part where you destroy yourself and the people around you?
What if the voices in your head, the ones telling you something's wrong, are actually trying to save you, not break you?
The Protocols That Actually Work
All the protocols and you don't believe in, they're backed by more science than whatever bullshit solution you're currently trying.
Meditation isn't about crystals and chanting. It's about training your nervous system to regulate itself. Measurable changes in brain structure. Quantifiable reductions in stress hormones.
Journaling isn't self-indulgent naval-gazing. It's about externally processing what your mind can't handle internally. It's about getting thought loops out of your head and onto paper where they lose their power.
Therapy and coaching isn't about blaming your parents for everything. It's about understanding the patterns that keep you stuck so you can finally break them.
Exercise isn't just about looking better. It's about creating the biological conditions where your brain can function optimally.
These aren't opinions.
They're facts.
Backed by studies.
Confirmed by neuroscience.
Proven by the countless people who have found their way back to themselves using these tools.
Your disbelief doesn't make them less real. It just makes them unavailable to you.
My Challenge To You
This week, I want you to do something uncomfortable: Believe yourself.
Believe that twisting feeling in your gut when something's not right.
Believe that heaviness in your chest that makes it hard to get out of bed.
Believe that racing mind that won't shut down at 3 AM.
Don't judge it. Don't fix it. Just believe it's real.
Because the magic you're looking for isn't in pretending everything's fine. It's in finally acknowledging what isn't.
It's in saying, "This is real, and I'm going to face it."
That's not weakness. That's the definition of fucking courage.
For the women reading this. I want you to know that your struggle isn't "just being emotional." Your exhaustion isn't "just being busy." Your pain isn't "just part of being a woman." You deserve to be taken seriously, especially by yourself.
For the men. Your anxiety isn't weakness. Your depression isn't failure. Your struggle isn't a reflection of your worth or your masculinity. It's just part of being human in a world that often forgets we're still animals with nervous systems that can get overwhelmed.
I shared a quote earlier this week: "Don't believe everything you think." That's true for the toxic inner critic that tears you down. But it's dangerously false when it comes to your body screaming that something isn't right. Learn to distinguish between negative thought patterns you should question and genuine warning signals you've been trained to ignore. There's a world of difference between challenging destructive thoughts and dismissing your own reality.
The Permission You've Been Waiting For
No one is coming to give you permission to take your mental health seriously. Not your partner. Not your boss. Not society. Certainly not the voice in your head that's invested in keeping you exactly where you are.
The permission has to come from you.
Today.
Now.
Permission to believe your own experience. Permission to seek help without shame. Permission to try the protocols without cynicism. Permission to take up space with your healing.
What if this newsletter is the sign you've been waiting for? The nudge you needed to finally look at what you've been avoiding?
Don't wait for rock bottom.
Don't wait until the damage is done.
Don't wait until you've lost what matters most.
The first step isn't fixing anything. It's just saying: "This is real, and I'm going to face it."
Everything else follows from there.